ol' mcdonald's farm

it's not exactly ol' mcdonald's farm but close... i have several more pictures to upload but the internet is kinda trippy today so i'll try again another day.

ridin in my dad's car

sometimes when i'm in a car,
whether it's driving down a long winding road,
or being stuck in a traffic jam that doesn't seem to be easing...
the little girl in me hops out of the shell she's in,
and slides on to the back seat.
I take in a deep breath, inhaling the imaginary smell of my dad's leather car seat.
By now, my body has sunken in, suddenly i'm small again,
small enough to be enveloped by the car seat.
my dad and i, we rarely speak, on the way to school.
it's 7am, and i'm probably still half asleep...
and dad, daddy's probably thinking of work
and how many more cars he has to sell, in order to pay next month's school fees.

now we're on the way home from an interstate road trip.
it's half past 12 in the wee hours of the morning.
dad likes to travel home at midnight, that way
not only does he beat traffic, he beats the groggy traffic police chasing after him
but no matter how fast he drives, i manage to fall deep asleep
not once doubting that my dad will bring us home safely...

many years later, i sought refuge in another man's car
and as we held hands while he steers the wheel with the other free hand
i was certain i had found love, my racing heart running miles ahead of me
that night dad found out and chased that man away

it broke my heart, but little did i know, it too had broken dad's
his little princess, all grown up and snatched away from him...

now i get to ride in my daddy's car only once a year.
me with my luggage, looking out for a familiar BMW
i don't sleep on the way home anymore, anxious to see, to hear, to soak in
everything that i miss about this place....

how i wish to be riding in the backseat of your car, daddy
watching as the dawn breaks, painting the sky red, and purple, and orange...
knowing that as long as i'm in your car, i am safe...i'll be alright...


happy father's day, daddy.

big jet plane

i've been falling asleep to this song lately. it's my lullaby...it makes me dream of rockets, space ships, and the milkyway....

kinspiration

('Clock', Gan Siong King, 2008, The Annexe Gallery)

I made a discovery today that made me giggle like a convent schoolgirl, and made my heart swell like the mouth of a blowfish. anyone who has traced their own family tree, only to learn that their great-great-great grandfather was the brother of the uncle of the empress's sister-in-law; or that their great-great-grandmother was a cowgirl who shot nine convicts, before robbing them, before seducing them into sleeping with her... (btw you should imagine Angelina Jolie if you're playing this scene in your mind)

Anyway, the kind discovery that makes you point to your monitor, jumping off your seat, and exclaiming, 'oh my gosh! i didn't know you were ________________! hey everybody,that's my _______________ there! uh huh, you know, they say awesomeness runs in the family!' (smirk smirk)

No... i did not find out that i am related to Takeshi Kaneshiro. Boo. (Wait...actually, maybe not Boo. that means i still have a chance and it won't be incestuous...kidding...half )

But i did find out, that my '大哥'...my oldest 堂哥 （paternal cousin brother) has done some awesome things in the Malaysian arts scene. now, i do know that he is an artist, photographer, videographer, etc...and he has had several exhibitions at The Annexe...but little did i know that he is also the costume designer of Yasmin Ahmad and Pete Teo's Rain Dogs, production designer of Tsai Ming Liang's I Don't Want to Sleep Alone and Ho Yu Hang's At the End of Daybreak ...and he was on set of Ang Lee's Lust, Caution! I foolishly remember that Chinese New Year Reunion Dinner when he said he was being the cameraman for a film that Lee Hom was acting in...and we were clueless at that time, what he was talking about.

Ah King Ko ko, as we all call him, is one mysterious person in the Gan family, no one knows exactly what he does, and he shows up at reunion dinners once in a blue moon. i dont even quite recall how he looks like, apart from being quite good looking as most men in my dad's side are... maybe you're thinking, cheh, i thought your brother was Bruce Lee... and it's probably no big deal...i guess, a big part of me is proud that someone in my family, not only cares about what I care for deeply, but is one of the crusaders, fighting for Malaysian's local art scene, and mind you, Chinese Malaysian arts scene. It takes a lot of passion, a lot of wordly sacrifices to stand up for what this industry needs, and that's what inspiring.

Kinspiration, it's a little bit more than an inspiration. It's a different kind of inspiration that allows you to cheat believe that maybe that fleck of genius runs in the family, that if my brother/sister/grandmother could do it, maybe i do stand a chance. Or don't I?

100th post

It's my 100th post and i'd like to take the opportunity to thank those, however few of you, who takes the effort to drop in from time to time... i hope it was worth your time...

here's a shout out to you guys....shout back if you can!

by the way, anyone who has heard the original version, would agree that Angus and Julia Stone kicked asses at this cover.

undone

if you search me in the middle of the night
don't be surprise of what you'll find
a deep stream of weathered broken dreams
fairies tip-toeing, trying to find their wings

if you search you in the middle of the night
i hope you find a little piece of me
right in the center of the things in life
that you won't repair and you cannot hide
oh....i've tried
oh....i've tried
oh....i've tried

'cuz i will come undone
i will come undone
i will come undone
i will come undone
if you showed up tonight.

didn't you promise to bring me to the light?
or did i just lose myself to this fight?
i can't remember why i left that town
with a sleepy suitcase and a wedding gown

you used to say we'll just wait and see
now i'm the victim of this complacency
i wish you hadn't let me go
but such if life as life unfolds
oh....i've tried
oh....i've tried
oh....i've tried

still i will come undone
i will come undone
i will come undone
i will come undone
if you came here undone.


crystal g

i can ski now